The Maltese Haddock by Keven Shevels - REVIEW
A book review by Victoria Walsh
If you're looking for a fiction-based series novella that takes the concept of absurdity and runs with it (while occasionally tripping over its own laces), The Maltese Haddock by Keven Shevels might be just what you need. Our lead, Monsewer Dogsbreath, a private detective turned psychic investigator (thanks to a blind signwriter) with a drinking problem, is thrown into another whirlwind of insane but hilarious escapades, this time with a lunatic werewolf client. And yes, that's Shevels' wording, not mine.
Shevels has written a series of books in The Dogsbreath Histories, which revolve around the quirky and comedic adventures of the Dogsbreath clan. These include The Haddock Flies at Midnight (Book 1), A Song of Ice and Haddock (Book 2) read my review here, The Maltese Haddock (Book 3) and The Good, The Bad, and The Haddock (Book 4).
We can’t imagine what Shevel was thinking while researching his walking books (anything but walking, it seems). Maybe ‘Walking in Weardale’ or ‘Walks in the Hills of Upper Swaledale’ sent him over the edge. With more than 10 non-fiction books in his repertoire, it’s clear Shevels can write; he’s a man of words and will go on, writing his way into history as a stand-in for Terry Pratchett or at least a guest writer on Viz….let’s get back to The Maltese Haddock.
The story kicks off with the search for the missing artefact, the titular Maltese Haddock, alongside the equally missing werewolf sister Wanda. Do I detect a film title pattern? Toss in villains like Weaselly McWeaselface and Ratty McRatface, and I half-expected them to appear sailing a ship named ‘Boaty McBoatface, ’ but that name's taken.
Shevels doesn't shy away from cramming his narrative with one-liners and jokes that were probably funny while Walking in Allendale but might raise an eyebrow now. Lines like "she was paying for a boob job by instalments and so far had only raised enough dough to have the right one done" set the tone of the humour. Predictable? Yes. Hilarious? If you're in the right mood and are happy to throw custard pies at timeshare plastic surgery advocates, well, possibly.
Adding to the chaos is a cast of characters who sound like they've escaped from Monty Python’s Albatross sketch. There's Police Officer Waddle, serial killer Barry Garlic, and Nurse Pat Gently rubbing shoulders with Barbie, a Royal Marine named Ken, and nuns armed with bricks in their bags. The setting, ranging from Pondscum's Pool Hall to the Septic Flea bar on Slapper Street, adds to the book's lovably dishevelled pub crawl on steroids vibe.
Of course, no Shevels book would be complete without his trademark oddball dialogue. Exchanges like this one from the book:
"What do you want for breakfast?"
"A full Scottish," I answered.
"What's that?" she snapped back.
"The same as a full English," I replied with a grin, "except you don't pay."
leave you questioning whether you're reading a detective novel or a stand-up routine.
One of the more eyebrow-raising moments involves, well, ‘poo bags’. To quote: "The poo bags," I exclaimed. "Just in case," he said. "I had a curry last night." It's exactly the kind of humour you expect if Shevels' style has been your cup of tea—or pint of JD and Irn Bru, more accurately.
Fans of Monty Python, The League Of Gentlemen, or Blackadder will likely appreciate the rapid-fire gags and outrageous antics. Others might find themselves scratching their heads and wondering when this chaotic train will reach the next station—or any station at all. As the author points out, comedy is subjective, as Shevels’s writing is the subject of that review. I must say he has a way with words, even if you don’t always get the gag!
If you want to live in a British version of San Francisco, you will feel at home in ‘Slagbottom,’ his fictional town full of werewolves and shapeshifters in the north of England. Shevels has based his premise on The Maltese Falcon, a classic detective novel by Dashiell Hammett. Hammett’s character is private detective Sam Spade; while his pursuits are similar, they don’t include werewolves but do include a ‘tit-ular artefact’ - no sniggering now, class!
Shevels' bio is as much a part of the comedy as his books. His "Hollywood negotiations" for a milkman's note and his adventures with Ebenezer, the talking wood mouse, almost overshadow his actual writing career. But if you're here for bizarre, shambolic humour with a side of curry-induced mishaps. The Maltese Haddock delivers precisely what it promises: utter nonsense, best served steaming!
You can find Shevels on Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/stores/author/B005CR5W4U?ingress=0&visitId=4991e130-4249-4c1e-ac19-cd0a3be472ec&ref_=ap_rdr
